Words won’t easily come out My tongue is obviously tightened My pencil can’t move and slide Though it has been sharpened Disabled am I to write a word To draw near what must be mentioned Disabled am I to note to you The sole question truly I am asking
Hopelessly I put the pencil down Heavily walked toward the dresser Though cleaned and bright it was Reflected wasn’t my face in the mirror
A demon’s face, with shame was blackened With mistakes and sins was darkened A lousy unpleasant figure Was I reflected? Is it an error? I fearfully draw away from the dresser Fearfully closed my eyes and said my prayers
As prayers were said, tears generously were falling A glorious fountain to clean me within I gazed down to see The face now looked like me
Thou many prayers were prayed To vanish the sins committed by me The only question now I’m asking Was I forgiven by thee?
Nawal8q, As a matter of fact, I am now studying my poetry cousre and you won,t imagine how much I admired this poem and the way you composed it. I idea of this poem really influenced me.
Unfortunately, I am not that so good critic, but I hoped so to post some good qualities of this poem. The most interesting thing in these lines that they show a storng belife beyond them the think that I admired enviously. Again, I admire the talent and the gift you have because I don't think many of my collegus, nor me, have this.
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The only question now I’m asking Was I forgiven by thee?
Be sure that He will forgive you because He is the Merciful. I wish I could contuinue writing, but in praising this poem, I run out of words.
Safwat, Thank you so much ,and we are waiting for your writings....
تيماء, Hello Temo, and thank you so much honey....
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you've got a wonderful talent , amazing way of writing and so sensitive feelings
, thank you....really deep thanks.
Obada Arwany, Hello Obada,
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As a matter of fact, I am now studying my poetry cousre and you won,t imagine how much I admired this poem and the way you composed it. I idea of this poem really influenced me
Well, I would like to see some of your own writings...
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Unfortunately, I am not that so good critic
Neither am I, but sometimes the idea itself drives you to write something about it...
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admire the talent and the gift you have because I don't think many of my collegus, nor me, have this
Well, practise, practise and practise till you reach what you want....
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Be sure that He will forgive you because He is the Merciful
Well, I'm sorry to be late, you know it's the time of examination now and we've to prepare very well. I read the "poem" several times. I'll try NOT to be monotonous in my comment. This means that I'm not going to say that your poem is great, fantastic, or marvelous; but I'm going to say that you're a real poet; and because of "this fact", I'm NOT going to be merciful with thee !:mrgreen: Since I've read YOUR poem several times, I came to a conclusion that your poem deserves to be published. I've noticed several things in the poem, some positive things and other negative ones. I'm going to start with the positive ones :
1- The poem is written in free-verse form; and this means that there isn't any regularity in the poem. For example, the poem consists of five stanzas, but they aren't equal in the number of lines; the first stanza consists of seven lines while the second one consists of four . . . etc. Another example is the rhyme scheme, it is also not regular.
2- The use of figures of speech. Although the language is simple-and this is one of the characteristics of post-modern poetry- but it is figurative in some lines. For example,
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As prayers were said, tears generously were falling
It is metaphor here, submerged metaphor. The speaker compares her eyes with some generous person. As this generous person gives his money and perhaps his property to people lavishly, her eyes give tears generously. It's a very nice metaphor. Other figures of speech occur in the 6th and 19th lines which include alliteration because of the repetition of the consonant "m".
3- The poem handles many themes. One of them is Man's alienation from God. When the speaker discovers that she's made some sins, she resembles her face to that of a demon. Another theme is Man's weakness. A striking example about this theme is the 18th line, "I fearfully draw away from the dresser". The speaker's escaping from the dresser represents her escaping from reality. She does NOT want to face her case. But rather she rashes and closes her eyes- and this is another escaping from seeing the truth.
4- Now I come to my most important notes. Two things caught my eyes in this well-written poem. The first thing is the letter "W". The title of the poem starts with the letter "W", The first line also starts with the letter "W", and, since the title is the poem's last line, the closing line starts with "W". One may question about this letter, what does it symbolize? The aim of the poem is religious, and the letter "W" is connected to a religious word, which is "worship". So, symbolically speaking, the speaker's concern, from the very beginning of the poem till the end, is religious.
5- The other thing which caught my eyes is number "five". This number is strongly present in the poem. The first line consists of "five" words. The first word consists of "five" letters. Each of the title and the last lines consist of "five" words. The poem itself consist of "five" stanzas. The last letter in the poem, which is "E", is the "fifth" letter in the English alphabet. And finally, the poet's name consists of five letters, (whether it is her true name or NOT). So, like in the case of the letter "W", one may also ask about this number. Why does the poet insist on this number? What does it stand for? Since the subject matter of the poem is religious, I'm going to speak about this "five" from a religious point of view. This number is a symbol of perfection. According to Christianity, this number is sacred because the word "Jesus" consists of "five" letters. In addition, the word "Bible" also consists of five letters. According to Islam, this number is also very significant. Many speeches which include this number were given by the prophet Muhammad. For example, "Islam is built upon five, 1- The declaration of faith( Shahadah), that is to say that there is no god save Allah and that Muhammad is a Messenger sent by Allah; 2- Performing the prayers (Salat); 3- Fasting Ramadan; 4- Zakat; 5- making the pilgrimage to Mecca( Hajj).Another example is that there are "five" categories who will be protected by Allah from the heat of sun in the Judgment Day. A third example, we pray "five" times everyday. And there are many other examples. So, one may come to a conclusion that the poem is NOT only religious in the tone and meaning of words, but it is also religious in the using of symbolism, such as the letter "W" and the number "Five".
Now according to the negative points, I do NOT have too much to say, but you may consider the following:
1- Avoid tautology. Reread the first stanza and you'll understand what I mean.
2- Pay attention to the marking of stanzas. We start a new stanza only when we start a new idea. I think that the second and the third stanzas should be combined in one stanza.
3- "PUNCTUATION", pay great attention to punctuation. It is very important in the poems. Here, your poem seems as if it's a twenty-seven-line poem. The first and second lines, for example, should be one sentence; the third with the fourth, and so forth.
May Allah bless you, Nawal. Thanx
It's I, Ala'.
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Last edited by Odysseus on Wed Jan 07, 2009 6:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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have this. 
, thank you....really deep thanks.
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