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love by fight
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الكاتب:  crespo1989 [ السبت يناير 17, 2009 10:56 pm ]
عنوان المشاركة:  love by fight
I hated every thing about him first time
And oh god !! I wish I could commit a crime
But just when we start to fight
And just when him gave me that evil sight
I gave up & my hands were up
I couldn't do any thing , I just felt I was numb
It took me a moment to realize
That he's the best thing that ever happened to me
And if i won't be his , I don't know what would I be
It's really funny , changing a life with a fight
And turning the day into a night
He just locked me up into his sights
And what's inside it of brights
I started to think about him a lot
And I don't know if u call it love or not
Just when he talked to me in that way
I decided I'm ganna always pray
Pray for the day that I'm ganna be his to come
When we were fighting , I felt that beautiful pain
It's that weird feeling but really ??!! the words cannot explain
الكاتب:  Safwat [ الأحد يناير 18, 2009 1:53 am ]
عنوان المشاركة:  love by fight
It is a light notion
You are trying your best to express ant to organaize a rhyme .
The theme of it is siply about a fight
You have to do better in the coming writings to avoide the weak points.

Your grammar is good , but you can improve youurself ..

اقتباس:
god

اقتباس:
i


capitalize them


the tone is personal ....there is a kind of repitition that makes the notion in unsuitable response ..


Anyway ,

It is good

Go on
الكاتب:  crespo1989 [ الأحد يناير 18, 2009 7:59 am ]
عنوان المشاركة:  love by fight
thanks i well get better
الكاتب:  تيماء [ السبت يناير 24, 2009 12:30 am ]
عنوان المشاركة:  love by fight
 
In addition to what Safwat had corrected :
اقتباس:
every thing

everything
اقتباس:
when him gave me

when HE gave me
اقتباس:
Pray for the day that I'm ganna be his to come

maybe you mean :

Pray for the day when he's gonna come .


OK So nice begining Crespo *good

It's right you got some grammatical mistakes but in general I really liked it , specially when you said :
اقتباس:
started to think about him a lot
And I don't know if u call it love or not
اقتباس:
When we were fighting , I felt that beautiful pain
It's that weird feeling but really ??!! the words cannot explain

*1
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