Nawal8q I'm sorry for being late. My comment is going to be in English as you asked.
As I previously said, it is a nice poem. Although you didn't pay attention to punctuation marks, as you promised in the last poem, this poem is still good.
It is a free-verse poem. That is, there is no regular rhyme or metre in it. For example, the first line consists of six syllables while the second only four, the third five and so on. The language is simple. If you notice that the words in the first three lines are monosyllabic ones; that is, each word is a syllable in itself. This easiness has a positive effect on the readers. The monosyllabic words make the poem easy to understand.
Another point, the sense of musicality in the poem. As you know, repetition in any poem can cause either tautology –A Greek word that means repletion of words or ideas unnecessarily- or musicality. If you notice that Nawal repeated the words "can't" three times in the lines 11, 12 and 13. This repletion gives the poem the sense of musicality here, NOT tautology. The use of the figures of speech in the poem also serves the sense of musicality in the poem, especially the alliteration – the repletion of consonant letters in the beginning of words in the same lines- as in the lines 6 (high-heaven), 9 (mercy-my), 13 (my-mind) and finally in the last line ( heaven-hell).
A third point, the coherence in the poem. This poem is tightly coherent. It seems that Nawal masters all her words and ideas, and knows well what to write. For example, the poem is about the 'missing' of the addressee. In the first line Nawal writes "I miss you," we usually miss someone when they are far from us, when we can't see them. Nawal illustrates this fact through the use of the first line "to the depth" , and the sixth line "high in heaven". These two lines are contrasting in places. The first line refers to the very down of earth; and the sixth line refers to the very high of sky. The two places, the 'down' and the 'high', are unseen to normal people. Here lies the idea of coherence. The speaker misses the addressee because he is unseen; and to give the poem coherence the speaker uses 'unseen' places to refer to the addressee. A second example of coherence is the tenth line. The speaker says, "For I'm brittle and made of blue", and immediately explains how in the next three lines through the use of words which convey 'negative capability', I mean the words "can't". I'm speaking about coherence because coherence is the characteristic of the well-made poem. So, the conclusion of this is that the poem is well-written; it is NOT just 'an attempt', it is a real poem in the full sense of the word.
Now I come to the images in this poem. The speaker misses the addressee 'to the depth'. The use of 'depth' reminds me with the ocean. We usually associate this word with seas and oceans; and as you know, only few people can reach the depth of the ocean, who are the divers. So, the first line connotes the following meaning: The speaker is like a diver, the addressee hides himself in the bottom of the ocean; and because the speaker misses the addressee very much she turned into a diver and dove deep in the ocean to meet the addressee. It is a very nice image.
The second and most beautiful image is in the 14th and 15th lines.
Quote:
And underneath the ashes of my love
Still burning coal of thy behalf
But I'm NOT going to discuss this image. I will leave it to the other members in order to let them share us their views of this poem. It would also be nice if Nawal wanted to discuss them by herself, though I think it is improper for the poet to discuss what they write. For when they do so they simply kill the poem.
The poem is full of images but I'm going to stop here.
God Bless you Nawal.
Keep the good work.