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منتدى مغلق هذا الموضوع مغلق ، لا تستطيع تعديله أو إضافة الردود عليه  [ 17 مشاركة ]  الانتقال إلى صفحة 1, 2  التالي
الكاتب رسالة
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: السبت كانون الثاني 03, 2009 1:46 ص 
آرتيني فعّال
آرتيني فعّال
صورة العضو الشخصية
اشترك في: 22 شباط 2008
المواضيع: 29
المشاركات: 1074
السنة: رابعة
لا يوجد لدي مواضيع بعد



غير متصل
Words won’t easily come out
My tongue is obviously tightened
My pencil can’t move and slide
Though it has been sharpened
Disabled am I to write a word
To draw near what must be mentioned
Disabled am I to note to you
The sole question truly I am asking

Hopelessly I put the pencil down
Heavily walked toward the dresser
Though cleaned and bright it was
Reflected wasn’t my face in the mirror

A demon’s face, with shame was blackened
With mistakes and sins was darkened
A lousy unpleasant figure
Was I reflected?
Is it an error?
I fearfully draw away from the dresser
Fearfully closed my eyes and said my prayers

As prayers were said, tears generously were falling
A glorious fountain to clean me within
I gazed down to see
The face  now looked like me

Thou many prayers were prayed
To vanish the sins committed by me
The only question now I’m asking
Was I forgiven by thee?

13/10/2008

_________________
التوقيع

Fill my fond heart with God alone, for he
Alone can rival, can succeed to thee.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: السبت كانون الثاني 03, 2009 3:27 ص 
مشرف موسوعة الأدب الانجليزي
مشرف موسوعة الأدب الانجليزي
صورة العضو الشخصية
اشترك في: 17 كانون الأول 2007
المواضيع: 60
المشاركات: 1898
المكان: Britain
القسم: Literature, Film, and Theatre
السنة: MA
لا يوجد لدي مواضيع بعد

:: ذكر ::


غير متصل
 
Nawal8q,

Oh, as I expected, you always have something to say. I must come back to post my comment on this poem.  *1

_________________
التوقيع
 
"We are the choices we have made."


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: السبت كانون الثاني 03, 2009 4:02 ص 
آرتيني فعّال
آرتيني فعّال
صورة العضو الشخصية
اشترك في: 22 شباط 2008
المواضيع: 29
المشاركات: 1074
السنة: رابعة
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غير متصل
 
Odysseus,  
I'll be waiting.... :wink:

_________________
التوقيع

Fill my fond heart with God alone, for he
Alone can rival, can succeed to thee.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: السبت كانون الثاني 03, 2009 5:42 م 
آرتيني مؤسس
آرتيني مؤسس
صورة العضو الشخصية
اشترك في: 01 آذار 2007
المواضيع: 608
المشاركات: 7325
المكان: حمص - دمشق
القسم: اللغة الانكليزية
السنة: دبلوم ترجمة - متخرج
الاسم: أبو آدم
لا يوجد لدي مواضيع بعد

:: ذكر ::


غير متصل
Nawal8q,  

It is amazing.........very nice

اقتباس:
Thou many prayers were prayed
To vanish the sins committed by me
The only question now I’m asking
Was I forgiven by thee?

I hope so

_________________
التوقيع
صورة
بتمنى تتابعوا صفحتي عالفيس بوك
عنوانها :
( صفوة لتعليم اللغة الإنكليزية و الترجمة )


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: السبت كانون الثاني 03, 2009 7:31 م 
آرتيني فعّال
آرتيني فعّال
صورة العضو الشخصية
اشترك في: 31 تشرين الأول 2007
المواضيع: 6
المشاركات: 2401
المكان: في قلوبكم ..
القسم: اللغة الانكليزية
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غير متصل
 
Nawal8q,  

What can I say ?????????

It's very splendid  *good  *good  *good

I really congratulate you honey ..

you've got a wonderful talent , amazing way of writing and so sensitive feelings *1  *1  *1  *1


اقتباس:
As prayers were said, tears generously were falling
A glorious fountain to clean me within
I gazed down to see
The face now looked like me

Thou many prayers were prayed
To vanish the sins committed by me
The only question now I’m asking
Was I forgiven by thee?


Every line is special  *1

Nanush *ورود

_________________
التوقيع صورة

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: السبت كانون الثاني 03, 2009 7:54 م 
مشرف قسم الترجمة في الانجليزية
مشرف قسم الترجمة في الانجليزية
اشترك في: 15 آذار 2007
المواضيع: 226
المشاركات: 4712
المكان: حماة
القسم: English
السنة: Graduated
لا يوجد لدي مواضيع بعد



غير متصل
 
Nawal8q,  
As a matter of fact, I am now studying my poetry cousre and you won,t imagine how much I admired this poem and the way you composed it.
I idea of this poem really influenced me.

Unfortunately, I am not that  so good critic, but I hoped so to post some good qualities of this poem.
The most interesting thing in these lines that they show a storng belife beyond them the think that I admired enviously.
  Again, I admire the talent and the gift you have because I don't think many of my collegus, nor me,  :mrgreen: have this.
اقتباس:
The only question now I’m asking
Was I forgiven by thee?

Be sure that He will forgive you because He is the Merciful.
I wish I could contuinue writing, but in praising this poem, I run out of words.

With Regards,

_________________
التوقيع
صورة
يقول ابن القيم رحمه الله: لو أن رجلا وقف أمام جبل و عزم أن يزيله لأزاله


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: الأحد كانون الثاني 04, 2009 2:50 ص 
آرتيني فعّال
آرتيني فعّال
صورة العضو الشخصية
اشترك في: 22 شباط 2008
المواضيع: 29
المشاركات: 1074
السنة: رابعة
لا يوجد لدي مواضيع بعد



غير متصل
 
Safwat,  
Thank you so much  *ورود ,and we are waiting for your writings....

تيماء,  
Hello Temo, and thank you so much honey....
*ورود
اقتباس:
you've got a wonderful talent , amazing way of writing and so sensitive feelings    

 :oops: , thank you....really deep thanks.

Obada Arwany,  
Hello Obada,
اقتباس:
As a matter of fact, I am now studying my poetry cousre and you won,t imagine how much I admired this poem and the way you composed it.
I idea of this poem really influenced me

Well, I would like to see some of your own writings... :wink:
اقتباس:
Unfortunately, I am not that so good critic

Neither am I, but sometimes the idea itself drives you to write something about it...
اقتباس:
admire the talent and the gift you have because I don't think many of my collegus, nor me,  have this

Well, practise, practise and practise till you reach what you want.... *1  *ورود
اقتباس:
Be sure that He will forgive you because He is the Merciful

I hope so........ :cry:
Again thank you Obada... *ورود

_________________
التوقيع

Fill my fond heart with God alone, for he
Alone can rival, can succeed to thee.

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: الأربعاء كانون الثاني 07, 2009 2:37 ص 
مشرف موسوعة الأدب الانجليزي
مشرف موسوعة الأدب الانجليزي
صورة العضو الشخصية
اشترك في: 17 كانون الأول 2007
المواضيع: 60
المشاركات: 1898
المكان: Britain
القسم: Literature, Film, and Theatre
السنة: MA
لا يوجد لدي مواضيع بعد

:: ذكر ::


غير متصل
 
Nawal, Peace and mercy be upon you.

Well, I'm sorry to be late, you know it's the time of examination  now and we've to prepare very well.
I read the "poem" several times. I'll try  NOT to  be monotonous in my comment. This means that I'm not going to say that your poem is great, fantastic, or marvelous; but I'm going to say that you're a real poet; and because of "this fact", I'm NOT going to be merciful with thee !:mrgreen:
Since I've read YOUR poem several times, I came to a conclusion that your poem deserves to be published. I've noticed several things in the poem, some positive things and other negative ones. I'm going to start with the positive ones :

1-        The poem is written in free-verse form; and this means that there isn't any regularity in the poem. For example, the poem consists of five stanzas, but they aren't equal  in the number of lines; the first stanza consists of seven lines while the second one consists of four . . . etc. Another example is the rhyme scheme, it is also not regular.

2-        The use of figures of speech. Although the language is simple-and this is one of the characteristics of post-modern poetry- but it is figurative in some lines. For example,
اقتباس:
As prayers were said, tears generously were falling

It is metaphor here, submerged metaphor. The speaker compares her eyes with some generous person. As this generous person gives his money and perhaps his property to people lavishly, her eyes give tears generously. It's a very nice metaphor. Other figures of speech occur in the 6th and 19th lines which include alliteration because of the repetition of the consonant "m".

3-        The poem handles many themes. One of them is Man's alienation from God. When the speaker discovers that she's made some sins, she resembles her face to that of a demon. Another theme is Man's weakness. A striking example about this theme is the 18th line, "I fearfully draw away from the dresser". The speaker's escaping from the dresser represents her escaping  from reality. She does NOT want to face her case. But rather she rashes and closes her eyes- and this is another escaping from seeing the truth.

4-        Now I come to my most important notes. Two things caught my eyes in this well-written poem. The first thing is the letter "W". The title of the poem starts with the letter "W", The first line also starts with the letter "W", and, since the title is the poem's last line, the closing line starts with "W". One may question about this letter, what does it symbolize? The aim of the poem is religious, and the letter "W" is connected to a religious word, which is "worship". So, symbolically speaking, the speaker's concern, from the very beginning of the poem till the end, is religious.

5-        The other thing which caught my eyes is number "five". This number is strongly present in the poem. The first line consists of "five" words. The first word consists of "five" letters. Each of the title and the last lines consist of "five" words. The poem itself consist of "five" stanzas. The last letter in the poem, which is "E", is the "fifth" letter in the English alphabet. And finally, the poet's name consists of five letters, (whether it is her true name or NOT). So, like in the case of the letter "W", one may also ask about this number. Why does the poet insist on this number? What does it stand for? Since the subject matter of the poem is religious, I'm going to speak about this "five" from a religious point of view. This number is a symbol of perfection. According to Christianity, this number is sacred because the word  "Jesus" consists of "five" letters. In addition, the word "Bible" also consists of five letters. According to Islam, this number is also very significant. Many speeches which include this number were given by the prophet Muhammad. For example, "Islam is built upon five, 1- The declaration of faith( Shahadah), that is to say that there is no god save Allah and that Muhammad is a Messenger sent by Allah; 2- Performing the prayers (Salat); 3- Fasting Ramadan; 4- Zakat; 5- making the pilgrimage to Mecca( Hajj).Another example is that there are "five" categories who will be protected by Allah from the heat of sun in the Judgment Day. A third example, we pray "five" times everyday. And there are many other examples. So, one may come to a conclusion that the poem is NOT only religious in the tone and meaning of words, but it is also religious in the using of symbolism, such as the letter "W" and the number "Five".



Now according to the negative points, I do NOT have too much to say, but you may consider the following:


1-        Avoid tautology. Reread the first stanza and you'll understand what I mean.

2-        Pay attention to the marking of stanzas. We start a new stanza only when we start a new idea. I think that the second and the third stanzas should be combined in one stanza.

3-        "PUNCTUATION", pay great attention to punctuation. It is very important in the poems. Here, your poem seems as if it's a twenty-seven-line poem. The first and second lines, for example, should be one sentence; the third with the fourth, and so forth.


May Allah bless you, Nawal. Thanx


It's I, Ala'. *1  *1  *1  *1

_________________
التوقيع
 
"We are the choices we have made."


آخر تعديل بواسطة Odysseus في الأربعاء كانون الثاني 07, 2009 6:00 م، عدل 2 مرات

أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: الأربعاء كانون الثاني 07, 2009 3:11 ص 
مشرف قسم الترجمة في الانجليزية
مشرف قسم الترجمة في الانجليزية
اشترك في: 15 آذار 2007
المواضيع: 226
المشاركات: 4712
المكان: حماة
القسم: English
السنة: Graduated
لا يوجد لدي مواضيع بعد



غير متصل
 
Nawal8q,  
اقتباس:
Well, I would like to see some of your own writings

Thank you for your encouraging words..
and IN SHAA Alllah I will post some of them soon,
اقتباس:
but sometimes the idea itself drives you to write something about it...

you are right  *good
Sometimes one are forced by his\her true feelings about his\her  faith or beliefs...
اقتباس:
practise, practise and practise till you reach what you want....

Golden advice
thank you  
اقتباس:
Again thank you Obada...

me too hope you nice time and best of luck
*ورود

_________________
التوقيع
صورة
يقول ابن القيم رحمه الله: لو أن رجلا وقف أمام جبل و عزم أن يزيله لأزاله


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
  • عنوان المشاركة: ?Was I Forgiven By Thee
مرسل: الأربعاء كانون الثاني 07, 2009 3:24 ص 
آرتيني فعّال
آرتيني فعّال
صورة العضو الشخصية
اشترك في: 19 شباط 2008
المواضيع: 27
المشاركات: 1454
المكان: قرة عيني حمص
القسم: E
السنة: graduated
لا يوجد لدي مواضيع بعد

:: أنثى ::


غير متصل
Nawal8q,  
*good  *good  *good  *good  *good
 i cant say more,your words r marvelous *1

_________________
التوقيع صورة
Tired of these endless games, Time to end the darkened day To raise the sword To kill the light Because there is no reason left to fight..."


أعلى .:. أسفل
 يشاهد الملف الشخصي  
 
منتدى مغلق هذا الموضوع مغلق ، لا تستطيع تعديله أو إضافة الردود عليه  [ 17 مشاركة ]  الانتقال إلى صفحة 1, 2  التالي

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