اقتباس:
but the thing that she doubt about is whether she was forgiven by the people whom she upsets
In Fact I reread the poem and I did NOT find any refernce to such thing. You wrote that You prayed and because of your paryers you ask whether You were forgiven by God, We pray to Allah in order to fogive us and not to people. One of Allah's 99 names is "The Most Forgiving", so can you make the idea clearer please?
اقتباس:
For the points you found in my poem, from the repition of the letter “w” and number “5” , believe me that I had no idea about it when I first wrote this poem, but was happy to find that you noticed these small things.
I know that you had no idea about these "small things", this is art, this is literature; it's not necessary for you to mean this; but rather what is important is that you wrote about these "small things" unconsciously, and this gives your poem the characteristic of "credibility". When we analyse a poem or a novella or a play, does our analysis mean that the writer means all the analyses we say? Ben Jonson says that one of the art's aims is to delight.
اقتباس:
but was happy to find that you noticed these small things.
In fact, the word "small" connotes a negative meaning here; I think that you wanted to say "these minor things", didn't you?
اقتباس:
Sorry , but I didn’t understand…can you explain it for me??
Well, I'm happy to see that you want more criticism on your "Not complete poem". Tautology means repetition. In your first stanza, you repeated may things. Repetition is usually used fo the sake of musicality, and musicality isn't your concern in this poem, because you are speaking about demon, prayers, God, etc.
اقتباس:
My tongue is obviously tightened
My pencil can’t move and slide
Here you repeated "My" two times.
اقتباس:
Disabled am I to write a word
اقتباس:
Disabled am I to note to you
Here the words "disabled am I" are also repeated two times.
اقتباس:
Words won’t easily come out
My tongue is obviously tightened
My pencil can’t move and slide
Though it has been sharpened
Here the repetition is not verbal, but rather it is in the style. The first sentence is negative, the second is affirmative; the third sentence is also negative, and the fourth again is affirmative; So, try to chang the style in the second two sentences. Moreover, you tried to make the second and the fourth sentences rhyming together, when you want to do so you should achieve the balance between these sentences; I mean that the first line is negative as I said, and you used an affirmative sentence in the second line but you used an adverb; you repeated the same style of the first line in the third line, but you did NOT repeat the style of the second line in the fourth. You should add an adverb to the fourth line, so that the second and the fourth lines will have the same number of syllables. You can write "It has been" as "It's been (adv)".
This is my opinion and I respect yours whatever it is.
اقتباس:
Maybe…But after being edited.
Of course I meant that.
God Bless You, Sister !
It's I,
Ala'.
يمكنك أن تستفيد من الصلاحيات الإضافية للعضو و المشاركة في المنتدى بالتسجيل من هنا , كما يشرفنا أن ينضم إلينا الأساتذة و المعلمون 
تسجيل الدخول
تصفح جوال
الأسئلة المتكررة
بحث
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